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Relationships

Read it again.

Can we talk about this statement for a second? This is a capture from Intentional Innovation by A.J. Juliani and THIS is why I do what I do. All the data and all the technology and all the innovation in the world doesn't mean squat if we don't have the relationships in place.

This is my 16th year in education. Kind of hard to believe knowing that I almost lost my full scholarship after just one semester of college. (That's another story for another time...) I've never wanted to be anything else. Then why do I find myself doubting my work so much this year?

Last night in my own home I spent hours talking to my husband about how I feel lost and frustrated with what I'm doing. I questioned if I was making a difference, how I could make a bigger difference, talked about how I was wrestling with what I'm doing and why. He offered no real advice but did at least listen.

But, where is the advice? Where is the someone telling me what to do with my life? Hello?

I fake like I have everything under control all the time. I don't. I constantly feel like life is spinning out of my control. This year more than ever I am really questioning what I am doing. I'm learning more and more and find myself pouring all my time and energy into my Gateway kids. This is only part of my job, BUT it's the part where I get the most feedback. I love those kids and in their smiles and their excitement I know that they love me and they love the work that we do together.

That's the thing... together. We work collaboratively and learn together and I don't get that satisfaction in coaching. Maybe I don't have the relationships that I thought I had. Let's just be honest. Everyone sees me as an extension of the boss. I don't intend for that to be the case, but that's the way it looks and feels to everyone in the building. How do I change that? I have no "team" in the building. I don't have someone to bounce ideas off of. I'd love for that to be the teachers (and it has been in at least one grade level where we share some kids and have gotten to work and plan together a lot this year).

I'm super discouraged. I want to make a difference. But I don't want to push my ideas on others. I want them to think of their own ideas and then support them while they reach out. I want to be the safety net.

How do I get there? How can I walk behind them?

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